Almost every morning she awakens in the recognition and feeling
of how “we are floating in space”. That is all she really wants to
talk about, says Melissa Nuñez-Brown: The absolute mystery
and magic of the fact that we are here at all; the unfathomable
miracle of being That, when the spiritual traditions of the East are
stripped to their bare bones, which is often referred to as the Self.
Because from That origins everything; every single thing that is
perceived.
Does it sound philosophical? Yes, that is how it all started for
Melissa – with the pursuit of philosophy. One day in the winter
of 2006, she googled for “philosophy Barcelona”. The internet
immediately provided what she was looking for – a school.
A great school, a rare school, situated in Barcelona, Melissa’s home town. A school with plenty of philosophy in its curriculum.
And spirituality...
Melissa, the daughter of an English mother and a Spanish father, grew up in Spain. Everything was well in her life, perfectly
complying with normality. Hers was a success story in progress. As measured by the standard criteria of modern society,
that is. After university, she started a career in fashion. That implied financial security, as well as the chance to work and live
in several countries abroad. Back in Spain and Barcelona, in 2006, she was living in a nice flat in a nice area with a nice
boyfriend, surrounded by a rich social network and a supportive family. She was appreciated by her friends and respected
in her professional life. What more could she wish for?
Well, as it turns out in this story, she wished for everything; for everything to be different. She could clearly see that she
had acquired all the ingredients supposedly needed to bake the cake of happiness, but she was not happy – not at all.
Somewhere inside of her were all the values she wanted to live her life from. There was empathy, compassion, generosity,
honesty, humility, brotherhood, unity... On the outside, on the other hand, she had to look carefully to discover any of these
in society at large. Where to find true happiness, and true depth?
In Spain everything seemed to be about party and politics. And in these areas she just couldn’t find a single place to
stand that brought with it a sense of meaning and purpose. What followed in Melissa’s life is what she in retrospect refers
to as “the dark night of the soul”. Something was clearly missing, but she did not know what it was. She tried everything
available to her imagination at the time to fill the aching hole inside. But nothing did the trick.
Then, finally, after two years she simply chose to end the night. She chose a radical change. And today, Melissa is happy
and satisfied, mostly. Yes, she really is. So what secret, missing ingredient did she find? Well, four years have passed since
the end of the dark night. After the welcomed change that two years at philosophy school meant for her, she went travelling
for about a year, and then she ended up at Shambala. We will briefly tell the story of how these years unfolded for Melissa.
If a secret ingredient exists, it must be possible to extract it from the story – mustn’t it?
When Melissa arrived at the school she had found, her arrival was based on a very conscious choice. She was concretely
looking for a way out of unhappiness. Throughout the dark night, she had been fumbling for an answer to which she barely
knew the question. The conscious act of googling for “philosophy Barcelona” had been a very concrete way of expressing
that question. And perhaps, by entering through the school gates, she was now entering the answer – was she?
Melissa spent two years absorbing the delicious mental food of the most beautiful philosophical and spiritual traditions
known to man. Then she was full. Everything she had taken in was now stirring in her body, longing to fall fully into place.
She decided to leave the 4-year study programme halfway to go travelling around the world, alone, seeking integration.
Israel, Dubai, India, South East Asia, Latin America, New Zealand, New York... With the exception of India, the country
that had given birth to so much of the philosophy and spirituality that she had been studying over the past two years, the
places on her itinerary were not specifically “must-sees”. This was her “blank canvas” tour. All she wanted was to restart
her life in a way that resonated with her soul.
She travelled for the most part alone, and spent long periods of time not talking to anyone. In actively avoiding people,
she discovered the relief in not having to talk about every thought that passes through the mind. Melissa’s deepest
interactions with the world around her came instead often through writing and photographing. Day by day, inner and
outer experiences blended into a rich adventure. And so, in January 2009, Melissa met Johan Svanborg in Bali. They fell
in love. And some new paint was splashed onto Melissa’s blank canvas.
The man she had met welcomed her into Shambala, based in Sweden. It was easy to say yes. Melissa’s plan for a settled
life after her journey had until then focused on the study and practice of fine arts. It had been quite a clear intention,
as clear as the one that had led her to the school. In the meeting with Johan, it was replaced. And she let it happen. To
this day, Melissa remains fascinated with the fine balance between the two complementary approaches on the path of
manifesting what the heart wants: On the one hand, not to defer from one’s goal; on the other hand, to remain receptive to
what life offers.
Melissa used to draw, draw the faces of people. She used to photograph too. And she used to write. Right now, she doesn’t
pursue any of these avenues of creative expression in a focused way. Writing all of a sudden came to an end. Writer’s block?
She poses the question to herself, but deep down she knows that she is already expressing what needs to be expressed,
moment to moment – in whatever form it comes. Spirit, one might say, is taking over the steering wheel in her life.
And she consents. Most of the time...
The beauty of Shambala life, Melissa feels, is that everybody is doing a bit of everything that needs to be done.
It all flows very naturally. And she feels deeply supported by Borntorpet itself, in the forest by the little lake. Does the
place in itself harbour and nurture the Shambala energy? Who knows?
As mushrooms and berries abound in the forest, houseflies buzz in the buildings, and July breaks into August this year of
2010, Melissa for the first time in a long time simply enjoys being calm. No worries. No real longing. The creative passion,
as well as the urge to change, she reasons, doesn’t it come from an inner conflict of some sort? And, what then if there isn’t
any? What then?
If there is any longing right now, it is to celebrate; to laugh, dance, sing... And to dream on. Every day she dreams with
Johan, Lena, Anneli, and the other co-creators of Shambala. So many inspired ideas circulate in the air. Some are forgotten
the next day, some return to be processed, perhaps manifested. What is her personal role in this? She manages the new
web page, her “little grain of sand” to contribute – as she puts it. Other than that, she couldn’t really tell. And why would
she bother to find out, when it all flows so well?
The feminine aspect of Spirit as a constant source of warm love and motherly qualities. This is a theme that Melissa
would love to see explored at Shambala. In contrast, that is, to the largely masculine approach of traditional spirituality,
which somehow entails a bad word against romantic love and the web of relating that does after all make up our everyday
life. And, yes, music! Melissa would like to see an explosion of music at Shambala. She would like us to celebrate.
And to congratulate each other to what we have already achieved, wherever we deem ourselves to be on “the path”.
Happiness, to Melissa, is no longer merely a function of the five senses. There was a time, before that dark night, when
she was “drunk with excitement”; satisfied with the inescapable ups and downs of a life lived in identification with the
unending story of cause and effect. Now, Melissa is exploring if it is possible to “be happy with just being happy”...
Asked about happiness, she would no more talk about the rollercoaster of excitement. She would talk about peace.
The peace that is right here, right now – as the sweet melody of her voice fills the space, and I catch myself with a
pen in my hand that has stopped writing.
